I am learning this: Nothing should be static. Nothing is designed to stay the same, except the Word of God and the Truth of the Gospel. Everything else is supposed to change. God made it that way...We are in a constant state of moving, either forward or backward. When I get especially irritated at change, that's when I know I need a gut check. A reminder that transformation requires change and I want to be transformed. I want to grow. I want to move forward. I want to embrace change, even initiate change...so I can really make a difference. What about you? (Seriously...comment.)
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Change is good
Lots is changing in my life. My daughter is graduating from high school, my son who's in college becomes more independent every day, I got a new car, I sold my new car...Strategy at my church (www.gracechurchreno.org) is one thing, then it's another. Sometimes it's sad. (My kids growing up.) Sometimes is exhausting. (Managing things that don't matter, like cars.) Sometimes it's maddening. (Nothing named here. :) )
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I HATE change...even if the situation is the worst it could be, the thought of change scares me, or used to until the Lord showed me how personal change can be a true blessing. I moved here from Vegas 3 yrs ago leaving all my children and grand children behind due to an ever increasing painful back and neck injury. So, I threw what I could get in my then tiny sports car and headed north. CHANGE...I hated it even though my neurologist was here...CHANGE...I HATED CHANGE...I moved in with a girl friend and got a job at a local law firm. Once again, CHANGE...a great job, wonderful experience if only an internship.... I was 20 weeks from my college degree in Paralegal services/Criminal Justice but I couldn't even sit in a chair to do my studies. I finished my internship and moved into my 86 yr old mother's condo. I couldn't look for a job, I couldn't complete my studies, I couldn't sit up at my computer, I took a semester off due to the pain. My mother finally purchased a laptop computer for me which allowed me to finish my degree. As my back and neck pain worsened it became more and more difficult to be mobile until my daily routine was getting from my bed to the couch and back again at night. It was literally the worst time of my life. MORE CHANGE.... My friend, Jeni Slavin begged me to go to church with her. I could never tell how I would feel on any given day. An invitation to coffee was an ordeal and finally I had to tell friends "ask me on the day you want me to go. I can't make plans in advance." On those days that I could get out of bed I paid for it dearly the next. Finally Jeni and Zach caught me on a Saturday night that I felt pretty good. I went to Grace. MORE CHANGE.... I have never experienced anything like Grace. The music lifted my spirits and Pastor Dan's sermon renewed my faith. It was the best I had felt since leaving my church in Vegas...
ReplyDeleteThen my insurance ran out....no more Cobra....MORE TERRIFYING CHANGE.... Consequently, I had to change to new medication that did not cost $550 a mo. I was terrified..change..surely cheaper medication must mean more pain. Oddly enough, it not only was less expensive but it also controlled my pain AND I was no longer a literal walking zombie. CHANGE..WONDERFUL CHANGE....boy was I scared..now things would be expected of me. I could no longer get just crawling from my bed to the living room couch...I had to DO something w/myself. Work? Go to church? Volunteer? CHANGE...terrifying, wonderful change...so many thoughts ran through my mind..what if I had to become a functioning human being again? I had graduated from college. What if I had to WORK! Go out in the world and actually MEET people? CHANGE...
I am still on medication that I will probably be on for the rest of my life. But I can function on this medication. I joined a gym, went to work and gave my life back to the Lord. He has brought me so far. From a bed in Vegas to a life...a happy life, Grace Church where I volunteer w/the high school kids and get MUCH more than I give...to a job that I love and being active has taken even more of my pain away...I could still have no other expectations of my day than to get from the bed to the couch...It took 2.5 yrs...but God pulled, pushed, dragged, and coaxed me through the changes I needed to become the happy, complete woman of faith I am today...Thank you for changing me Father...Abba Father...I will think twice about fearing change ever again...I will look forward to change in my life from now on, trusting that God knows what HE has waiting for me on the other end of CHANGE....never again will I be static...and I will praise Him for change daily....r-
PS....He has now brought a wonderful Christian man into my life...we will see..keep your fingers crossed...and prayers, please...now THAT'S change...:)